Done 12/21/11

I'm just going to jump back in by posting what I've done today.   No explanations of why I haven't been around in a while.  I've discovered that I'm here when I'm here and I'm not when I'm not.  LOL  Hoping that this daily checklist will help keep me inspired to get things done.  It's rainy, cloudy and dark today.  Not a good day for people like me who only do well in the sun.  Bleh.  Anyway, here goes......

As of 10am:

• Breakfast: coffee, tofu scramble wrap, bacon.
• Posted my foods into Weight Watchers tracker.
• Bathroom:  scrubbed shower, wiped down mirrors/sink/toilet, picked towels up off the floor (I have boys.)
• Posted 'Mom's Daily Schedule' at computer, bathroom and message board area.  (see what I'm trying to work on?)
• Emailed owl pellet people to see if my order shipped.

As of 3:30pm:

• Got dressed
• Made bed
• Threw in load of laundry
• Cleaned up dishes: loading dw, putting away those in the drain, washing more for the drain, wiping counters
• Had lunch
• Had a mommy meltdown about the CHAOS (see Flylady on that one)
• Talked with family to try to help with meltdown
• Started organizing Tigger's recently refinished bookcase even though I couldn't find the pegs to hold up the shelf.  (reason for the meltdown beginning)
• Cleaned out and reorganized Tigger's closet
• Cleaned out and reorganized Pooh's closet
• Listened to narrations 
• Checked over math
• Made more coffee
• Ate some chocolate

Not necessarily all in that order.....

As of 7pm:

• Did more straightening in boys' rooms
• Made dinner (chicken and pasta and Wine!)
• Got another phone call
• Received and opened my amazon and owl pellet orders
• Went through the regular mail
• Hubby came home and we ate together and had a loooong conversation (a nice change from normal).  Discussed my meltdown and what we will be doing this weekend with his vacation days.

Now I'm spending 30 minutes on the computer before I leave to do my cleaning job (I clean a bank on business days).

Got home.  Ate a snack.  Watched a show and off to bed!

The Exercise Habit--A Habit for Mom

You can see that I worked on this habit last year here. My friend and I did pretty well. I think we managed to keep walking together for about 3-4 months before our lives took over and it no longer worked.

I still have the goal of getting into shape. Last year's summer hike up a mountain really drove home the point of how out of shape I've allowed myself to become. (As if the weight isn't enough. Sigh.) I also have a strong history on my mother's side of diabetes. Which is pretty much a bummer of a disease and one to be avoided if at all possible.

I once owned a treadmill. Sold it to my neighbor. LOL I tried to like walking on it, I really did. I would listen to music. I watched TV. I varied the pace. It still bored me to tears. Five minutes into it I'd be thinking, "Oh darn! How much longer do I have to do this???" I love to walk, just not on a treadmill. (Does anyone else have a problem walking in a straight line? I didn't realize that I did until I walked on a treadmill. I kept having to adjust to account for the width of the belt.) Walking outside is the best. However, I live on a main rode which means I have to drive to the only real place around here to walk. Guess what that is? A 1/3 mile circle track. Yep, more boredom. The interesting places, and ones where you don't have to worry about being kidnapped from, are a 20 minute ride away. Then I would have to plan around the weather. You can see where that was going...

Ok. So. Next idea. Workout at home with exercise DVD's. I have VHS tapes too. Like Richard Simmons. LOL Hey, don't knock it! It really works for some people. I also have Pilates, Salsa Cardio and Walk Away the Pounds. This for me is one step up from the boredom of walking on a treadmill or in circles. My problem with it is that I can't exercise first thing in the morning like that. I need warm up time. The King and I were trying to get up together at about 6am to exercise together, but I would do about 20 minutes and try to head back to bed. I wasn't motivated to do it in the evenings either. Don't I sound like a big baby?

I know what you're thinking. Excuses, excuses. Well, yes, but it was all part of my challenge. They keep saying you have to find what works for you.

I did! I joined a gym. AND I'm taking group classes. What's weird is that I would mainly classify myself as an introvert. However, the classes are motivating for me. Go figure. I've done Zumba, Dance Fusion, Muscle Pump and I even tried a Hip Hop class! They all work for me. Well, except the Hip Hop stuff but that was mainly because the teacher didn't know her two new dances so there was no sweating that went on. I sweat easily so that should tell ya why it didn't work. I also tried a spin class. Which was a lesson in pain. Not in the legs. In the butt. Who knew there are little bony areas under all that fat that will hurt for 3 days straight after sitting on a little tiny, black cycle seat??? The instructor told me that you eventually get used to it. I'm thinking there are a lot more fun things that don't require that much getting used to. Sheesh!!! Anyway, I've been going about 2-3 times a week. Some are 9:30am classes and some are in the evenings. I have a place to go that stays warm and is pretty much always open. The boys have a daycare room to watch some TV in. (They are the big kids in there. All the other kids are toddlers and it's so funny to see them in there with all the little ones.) And best of all? It doesn't bore me to tears!!!

I know a bunch of health gurus are telling people that there are all kinds of stuff you can do without joining a gym. There's walking, dvds, soup can workouts (not eating them-lifting them), playing with your kids, etc. Somehow, I just don't think that's cutting it for a lot of people out there. We need more motivation. We need to see other people doing what we're doing. People more coordinated, people less coordinated. People skinnier, people not skinnier. So, if you're like me and need group effort, a gym is a good place to be. One bonus is that I know several other people that go there. Sometimes they are even in a class with me. Bonus!!! Plus, it makes me accountable. If they don't see me at a class that I'm normally at, they ask me if I'm ok.

Current exercise habit begun on January 29th. Six weeks and counting...

Chore Organization--Part 2 The COAR System

We have a split level house with a half basement. The stairs going from the kitchen to the basement have some nice large walls that were doing nothing so I turned them into a Scheduling Station.

This is the Notes side. Each of the boys has their own white board. This is NOT for them to write on. This is for Dad and I to leave them comments and write down any penalty chores they've earned. We always hope for them to have only the 'inspirational' notes, but there are days when extras must be thrown up there. I always make the positive comments in black because it's a bolder color that stands out. The penalty chores are written in their corresponding color (blue or green) because it's lighter and the idea is that it is less noticeable. I want them to focus on the positive as opposed to the negative. There's also a purple board that Dad and I can leave notes/memos to each other on.

A close-up of Pooh's board. Notice my "resilience sentence" that I leave for him. He's washing a few walls today.

This is my arena. I have my Flylady calendar on a peg board. I also pegged a little basket to it to hold my pen/pencil and some white board wipes. I can also use the peg board to hold invitations, lists, etc if I choose.

Underneath my peg board are these hangers again. These hold the Chore Cards. These aren't as easily flipped because I put them on a key holder (can't remember the name of those things). This way the boys can take their cards with them as they travel from one chore to the next. They attach them to their belt loops. They don't have pictures so Tigger comes and checks in with me to make sure of what to do next.

The chore cards are broken up into areas: kitchen duty, laundry duty, bathroom duty, 2 different bedroom duty cards, animal duty, basement duty, livingroom duty. Each area is broken down into daily chores and weekly chores. They do the weekly chores with me on an as needed/as we get to them basis. My goal is to train them in doing different things around the house and putting weekly chores on the cards tells me who to focus on for a particular job when I'm ready. The cards are grouped into two so they each get 4 areas each week. The next week they switch.

Here's a sample of what is on a card. (once again, 3x5 index cards covered with contact paper)

Bathroom Duty

Daily Chores—Do as needed all day.

• Clean toilet.
• Clean sink.
• Pick up towels & clothes.
• Sweep floor.

Weekly Chores—Do once per week or as instructed by Mom and Dad.

• Mop floor.
• Clean mirrors.
• Scrub bathtub.
• Dust ceilings/walls.

Throw rugs in hamper

I hope to one day figure out the file sharing thing and get some of my documents available to you. I just have to pick a file sharing site that I can trust.

One thing I haven't quite decided yet, is if I'm going to continue having them work on chores before school or what. I only require the daily ones before school but at this time, they goof around so much that it's taking too long. My first goal is to get us consistently started earlier in the day and then I'll be better able to tell what to do with timing of the chores.

It's interesting to see which chores that each excels at. Pooh always remembers his laundry duty and does really well at it. Tigger has kept the bathroom sink very neat this week! Once Tigger got over screaming about the bees, he's been fine with animal duty. It was quite hairy there for a while though! They are both lax lately with their bedroom duties. I feel a weekend cleanup coming on!

Hope these posts give you all some ideas. I know that I found other bloggers' posts invaluable in deciding what I was going to do.

Chore Organization-Part 1

I started thinking back in the spring that I wanted to set up the boys' chore system a bit differently this year. I spent A LOT of time looking at different chore set ups. My favorite one that I read described was for the MOTH chore system. It has little carrying clip on cases for the kids chores to be in and then they move the cards to the back of the case as they finish. That sounded good, but I wanted to be able to put my own clipart on the cards and I wanted to be able to make our own cards and change them out whenever the need. I decided to use this system--Chores On A Ring. COAR? LOL That's it! My system is the COAR system. Seriously, that just came to me this second. ;D

Anyway, you can see in the photo below that each of the boys has one of those stick-on-the-wall hangers to put their routines on. In their bedroom is where we hang their morning routine cards and their evening routine cards. Before they just had a chart on the wall. Now I can change out one or two cards or change the order anytime I want. (These cards are 3x5 index cards that I contact papered.)

Here they are in a lovely 'fan' fashion.

Morning Routine is as follows:
A Rooster Crowing is the Morning Clip Art
Wake Up 7am (in theory-some days it happens-some days it doesn't)
Make Bed
Put on deodorant
Clean Underwear
Get Dressed
Put pj's away (they either put them in the hamper or place on their pillow if still clean)
Brush teeth
Wash face. Use toner. (Pooh is getting pimples already.)
Brush hair.
Dirty clothes to hamper. (there's usually something that's been left on the floor)
5 Minute Room Rescue
Put away clean clothing. (they each have a hamper where I put their clean/folded clothes--they put away)
Eat Breakfast.
Take vitamins.
Work on chores for day.
Check schedule. (school schedule)

Evening Routine (wolf howling at the moon as an evening clipart):
Lights out by 10pm (once again, in theory...sigh)
5 Minute room rescue
Bath (as needed basis)
PJ's
Snack
Brush teeth 1 minute (using a timer). Then floss.
Wash face. Use toner.
Check schedule for tomorrow. (Pooh reads my calendar to see what's happening.)
Set out clothes.
Storytime.
Prayer.

We are still working on consistency. Pooh, especially, tends to just forget to look at the cards and then will 'accidentally' skip a step here and there. Usually the brushing of the hair in the morning. Tigger forgets to put his cards back on the hanger. It's good that he usually remembers where they are, however.

Things would go better if Mom were more consistent about checking behind them. *cough, cough*

Stay tuned for part 2 of the COAR system. ;D

Penalty Chores

I know. It doesn't sound pleasant does it? To tell you the truth, I'm not crazy about the fact that I had to implement this system. But it has helped with some issues we deal with here. I really prefer to use more natural consequences. Such as: "If daily work isn't done, it has to be done in the evening." "Not eating dinner (because they don't like something) can lead to going to bed hungry." etc.

However, we deal with some things with Pooh that just drive me batty. He's a yeller. His faulty emotional regulation can lead him into some awful fits of rage. (I say awful because to me they are. I do understand that other mothers of autistic children deal with rages that are a whole lot worse.) Just this past week he had worked himself into a fit about something. He was in his room but he was just doing his deep screaming (kind of lion roaring) and banging things around. I ended up going in there and very firmly telling him to STOP. I told him what he was going to do. "You are going to stop yelling, right now! You WILL get control of yourself! You will not scream and you will not damage anything in this room." He did it. He stopped yelling. He was still angry but he stopped the raging. After a few minutes, we were then able to actually talk about the problem and come to an understanding. Sometimes that's what I have to do to break through his one track thinking.

That's kind of what the penalty chores do for him too. For a while he has angrily yelled "You're Fired!" at me, Dad and even others who anger him. I've tried talking to him about it. We discussed what it means and that it's a disrespectful thing to say. Would he want others to say it to him? There are other ways to express anger. Etc. He didn't care. I tried understanding his need to express himself. But then I just got tired of it. One day I decided that was it. Enough was enough. (This isn't the only thing he yells when he's angry, just an example.)

Now if he says it he gets a penalty chore. If he yells "I hate you!" he gets a penalty chore. Those things are now totally not an option here. As soon as I instituted the penalty chores, you could see him working on stopping what he was doing. He'd start to say it and stop himself. Something finally got through. Do I wish it was something else? Yes, but I have to go with what is working right now.

The first week we started this new program he really threw some fits. He even told me very calmly one evening, "I command you to stop giving me penalty chores." LOL So we ended up having a 15 minute chat about my responsibilities as his mom and how some other things we tried weren't working. I would make a declarative statement, he would think about it and try to come up with something easier as a punishment. He was trying to negotiate a lighter sentence. ;D I wish I could remember the whole conversation because his reasoning on some things was very interesting! After that, he said in a very dejected voice, "Fine." He did his penalty chores the next day very quickly and was fine. Some times he'll go days without anything and then there have been a couple of days where he racked up 9 chores!

We don't use the penalty chores for everything. There are plenty of other consequences that can happen for other stuff. We basically use them for out and out disobedience and disrespect. He's allowed to be upset about stuff but not to the point of causing the whole house to be topsy turvy.

Here are some things that we use as Penalty Chores:

Washing various walls.
Wash doorknobs.
Wash lightswitches.
Wash doors (inside and out)
Clean windows.
Clean mirrors.
Baseboards
Door frames
Window sills
Raking pine needles
Sweeping porches/sidewalk
Clean doors of fridge/freezer/stove
Wash cabinet doors

None of these are very complicated. It's just the doing of them that hits home. It's either a soapy washcloth or vinegar spray and cloth that does the cleaning. I don't use harsh cleaners so that isn't something I have to worry about.

Yes, Tigger does get in on the action. He's a little spitfire and his mouth can get him into real trouble. He's done his share of wall washing. I think they must get the yelling from the King's side of the family. It CAN'T be from mine. ;D Really, though, some of Pooh's behavior has rubbed off onto Tigger. I do have a hard time knowing where to draw the line with Pooh's autistic acting out and just plain 'this isn't acceptable' behavior. Where does the autism end and the just plain being bratty begin?

I'll go with this system for as long as it works. I do have to say that we have had more conversations this summer about behavior and ways to do things than we ever did before. Not sure if it's the system, a maturing process or what. But I'm not going to change anything until I need to! Don't want to rock the boat.

Resilience and Charlotte Mason

Charlotte Mason was an amazingly deep thinker. Somehow she was able to really 'see' children. She thought of them as individuals, much to the contrary of many in her time period. These young individuals come with their own set of excellent qualities and challenges. Many children have the challenge of not having much in the way of Resilience, especially children with special needs. Pooh has autism and it is very evident that this is a difficult challenge for him.


Resilience is your typical "bounce back" from troubles quality. Most people when presented with a challenge have some type of copying mechanism that enables them to go on or continue with what they're doing or to overcome the challenge. For instance, you may be driving along and get a flat tire. What do you do? There are several options if you have resilience: change the tire yourself, call your husband, call AAA, slowly drive to a nearby gas station, etc. A person without resilience wouldn't know what to do. They may cry, scream, just sit there for hours until someone comes upon them or be scared out of their mind. Or they may have an idea of what to do but be unable to get themselves to the point of action.

Charlotte Mason wanted us to teach our children resilience. Read Charlotte Mason's Students Motto. Notice the language of the motto. "I am, I can, I ought, I will." What is this language doing? It is teaching resilience. It is giving children a mindset from which they can draw upon during the challenges they face daily.



Now read A Guide to Promoting Resilience. Notice the language there under the section Three Sources of Resilience. "I am, I can, I have." Does it blow your mind or what?!? Same stuff as Charlotte was talking about! This is one of the many reasons that a Charlotte Mason education fits so well for our family. I only wish I had discovered it and understood it's value years ago.

Here is an example of how Charlotte recommends teaching about the 'will':

Habit of Self-management.––Then, as was said before, let him know the secret of willing; let him know that, by an effort of will, he can turn his thoughts to the thing he wants to think of––his lessons, his prayers, his work, and away from the things he should not think of;––that, in fact, he can be such a brave strong little fellow, he can make himself think of what he likes; and let him try little experiments––that if he once get his thoughts right, the rest will take care of itself, he will be sure to do right then; that if he feels cross, naughty thoughts coming upon him, the plan is, to think hard about something else, something nice––his next birthday, what he means to do when he is a man. Not all this at once, of course;
(volume 1, page 328)

If your child has special needs, you could read this and think "That's nuts! How can I make my child think about something else when they're ready to have a meltdown?" I understand. Believe me. It's hard work.

In the world of RDI, you would first work on Guided Participation. Scaffolding is another tool--breaking down a project into parts that allow your child to feel that he/she can accomplish something gives them a basis upon which to feel a sense of self and of what they can accomplish.

You may use other tools as well. Teaching them to count to ten before they explode, that visual of a problem balloon floating away or going to a quiet place and returning when calm. Some parents even find doing sensory related activities to help with resilience in some situations. Recently I've been putting what I like to call 'motivational sentences' on the boys' white boards (they each have one). Sentences such as: I can...control my anger. I am...a good boy. I will...finish what I start. I will...learn to be obedient. My goal is to give them positive thoughts to combat the negative ones that naturally come to mind.



Obviously, I'm still a novice at this. I'm reading and learning right along with you. Maybe even more slowly. LOL The point, though, is to be resilient. Keep trying. Keep going. Keep learning. Keep practicing. It will get better and the challenge can be overcome. (Note to self.)

The above article on A Guide to Promoting Resilience, along with the links I've provided below, should give us all a good amount of things to consider and work on.

Parent Quiz (The proper answers are pretty obvious. However, I found it made me think and reexamine some of my faults as a parent. I'm very much in the "I told you so" camp. Not very helpful for resilience. Sigh.)
10 Tips for Building Resilience

Resilience for Children with Challenges
The Parent Coach (I like his analogy of the 'disappointment ditch'.)
Emotional Resilience (Some parts of this don't quite fit in with CM from my understanding of them. However, there is some good info and tips to glean.)
Teaching Resilience with Photography (a really neat program implemented to help autistic children)
Summarization of Research on Resilience I found this statement very much in line with what RDI does: "To this end, both authors emphasize the conceptualization of resilience as a dynamic developmental process, rather than as a static trait."

Exercise--A New Habit for Mom

I've been at it since the beginning of June, so I can say I've officially cultivated a new habit. I stuck to it! Whooo Hoooo! Go Me! (Where's a cheerleader when you need one? ;D)

A friend and I (we'll call her S.) have decided to really do it this time. Really get on the ball with an exercise program. We've been walking 2-3 evenings per week. We plan on 3 and sometimes we do get in 3 walks but then there's someone without a car, cramps, etc that cuts it down to an average of 2x per week. Our schedule is M, W, F and we walk *late*. We start between 7:30 and 8pm so that we can avoid the humid southern heat. Ick. Depending on our speed, we usually go for about 3-4 miles. That takes us about an hour, maybe a little more. It's so much easier to make yourself go when you have a partner to walk with!!! We wear out little music players so we can get a good walking rhythm and it also helps to wear it when S can't make it or vice versa.

I have not lost any weight whatsoever yet, but I do feel a bit more energy. I even jogged a little one evening last week when I was on my own. (Have ya gone bug eyed yet? LOL) To be honest, it was one of those jog for a hundred feet kind of things and I only did it three times, but it was a start.

I'm considering some Zumba classes. I've seen that the local community college will be offering some fall classes and I'm tempted to join. It's only one evening per week so I could walk the other two evenings. It's going to be interesting to see how S and I adjust our schedule as the light changes this year. Hopefully, we can keep on track and keep up our new habit.

Another friend, L, tried to kill me yesterday. She took us on a hike. Up a mountain. Up. Up. Up. They said it was one mile. It felt like 3. Up rocks. Up stairs. Up some more rocks. My calves cramped. I huffed. I puffed. I make it up there. Barely. Nice view as you can tell from the photos. I then rolled myself down. No really, the coming down was soooo much nicer.

The gang of boys who had no need for huffing and puffing.

Black vulture. We were about 40 feet away.

Barely caught him flying off as one of the boys made a move to get closer.

My two munchkins.

The one who enjoys terrifying mothers everywhere by believing he's a mountain goat. (Not mine thank goodness! ;D)

My long-term goal: To one day do the same hike without huffing and puffing.

My New Habit

As part of our new schedule, I'm trying a new habit for myself. Early Rising. Anyone who knows me will get a good chuckle over this one. I'm terrible at waking up. I don't hear alarms or the sound gets incorporated so well into my dreams that I end up punching a dresser. :O

My goal is to be getting up at 6:30. Yes, this is early for me. I usually am a 8-8:30 kind of gal, but by then the morning is half over. So The King and I have devised a little schedule of sorts for getting us both up and going in the mornings. His new summer schedule at work is to go in for 10 hours 4 days a week. That means he has to be up at 5:30 (his alarm goes off and no I never hear it). He gets ready and wakes me at 6:30 when he's ready to leave. His waking me is just enough so that when my alarm goes off (NPR), I start hearing it and the news stories wake me up. Buzzers just kill me. I hear them, bang them, then ignore them. It has to be a very loud NPR.

I actually did very well this week. I was up between 6:30 and 7:00 every morning except this one. I think the week caught up with me today and I had an allergy thing start during the night, which always throws my sleep off. So I feel fairly successfull at my new habit. I was even vacuuming before 8am the first two mornings!!!!

Our problem now is getting in bed at a decent hour so that this habit doesn't cause a lack of sleep. Life just seems to make early to bed very difficult. I'll let you know if I can figure something out with that one.