Resilience and Charlotte Mason

Charlotte Mason was an amazingly deep thinker. Somehow she was able to really 'see' children. She thought of them as individuals, much to the contrary of many in her time period. These young individuals come with their own set of excellent qualities and challenges. Many children have the challenge of not having much in the way of Resilience, especially children with special needs. Pooh has autism and it is very evident that this is a difficult challenge for him.


Resilience is your typical "bounce back" from troubles quality. Most people when presented with a challenge have some type of copying mechanism that enables them to go on or continue with what they're doing or to overcome the challenge. For instance, you may be driving along and get a flat tire. What do you do? There are several options if you have resilience: change the tire yourself, call your husband, call AAA, slowly drive to a nearby gas station, etc. A person without resilience wouldn't know what to do. They may cry, scream, just sit there for hours until someone comes upon them or be scared out of their mind. Or they may have an idea of what to do but be unable to get themselves to the point of action.

Charlotte Mason wanted us to teach our children resilience. Read Charlotte Mason's Students Motto. Notice the language of the motto. "I am, I can, I ought, I will." What is this language doing? It is teaching resilience. It is giving children a mindset from which they can draw upon during the challenges they face daily.



Now read A Guide to Promoting Resilience. Notice the language there under the section Three Sources of Resilience. "I am, I can, I have." Does it blow your mind or what?!? Same stuff as Charlotte was talking about! This is one of the many reasons that a Charlotte Mason education fits so well for our family. I only wish I had discovered it and understood it's value years ago.

Here is an example of how Charlotte recommends teaching about the 'will':

Habit of Self-management.––Then, as was said before, let him know the secret of willing; let him know that, by an effort of will, he can turn his thoughts to the thing he wants to think of––his lessons, his prayers, his work, and away from the things he should not think of;––that, in fact, he can be such a brave strong little fellow, he can make himself think of what he likes; and let him try little experiments––that if he once get his thoughts right, the rest will take care of itself, he will be sure to do right then; that if he feels cross, naughty thoughts coming upon him, the plan is, to think hard about something else, something nice––his next birthday, what he means to do when he is a man. Not all this at once, of course;
(volume 1, page 328)

If your child has special needs, you could read this and think "That's nuts! How can I make my child think about something else when they're ready to have a meltdown?" I understand. Believe me. It's hard work.

In the world of RDI, you would first work on Guided Participation. Scaffolding is another tool--breaking down a project into parts that allow your child to feel that he/she can accomplish something gives them a basis upon which to feel a sense of self and of what they can accomplish.

You may use other tools as well. Teaching them to count to ten before they explode, that visual of a problem balloon floating away or going to a quiet place and returning when calm. Some parents even find doing sensory related activities to help with resilience in some situations. Recently I've been putting what I like to call 'motivational sentences' on the boys' white boards (they each have one). Sentences such as: I can...control my anger. I am...a good boy. I will...finish what I start. I will...learn to be obedient. My goal is to give them positive thoughts to combat the negative ones that naturally come to mind.



Obviously, I'm still a novice at this. I'm reading and learning right along with you. Maybe even more slowly. LOL The point, though, is to be resilient. Keep trying. Keep going. Keep learning. Keep practicing. It will get better and the challenge can be overcome. (Note to self.)

The above article on A Guide to Promoting Resilience, along with the links I've provided below, should give us all a good amount of things to consider and work on.

Parent Quiz (The proper answers are pretty obvious. However, I found it made me think and reexamine some of my faults as a parent. I'm very much in the "I told you so" camp. Not very helpful for resilience. Sigh.)
10 Tips for Building Resilience

Resilience for Children with Challenges
The Parent Coach (I like his analogy of the 'disappointment ditch'.)
Emotional Resilience (Some parts of this don't quite fit in with CM from my understanding of them. However, there is some good info and tips to glean.)
Teaching Resilience with Photography (a really neat program implemented to help autistic children)
Summarization of Research on Resilience I found this statement very much in line with what RDI does: "To this end, both authors emphasize the conceptualization of resilience as a dynamic developmental process, rather than as a static trait."

Changes

A couple of significant things happened this week. Significant in the world of Pooh.

The first you see here:


I had already prepared dinner and was upstairs on the computer while waiting for the King to come home. Pooh decided he was going to make the table "fancy". He started all on his own getting out my champagne glasses and filling them with Coke. LOL Meanwhile, I was ordered to stay upstairs and when the King came home he was ordered to stay out of the kitchen. He even let Tigger help.

When we sat down, he pretended to be a chef and Tigger was the waiter. They got our orders and filled them. Pooh even suggested to Tigger: "Ask them if they want to talk to the chef." We, of course, decided that we'd love to talk with the chef! It was a wonderful conversation. Chef Pooh told us he had learned to cook some things from his mother who had gone to Italy at one time. (yes, I've been there. ;D) We complimented the chef on his great service and the waiter too.

There were so proud that they did it again the next night. In fact, the table was set all the way with plates, napkins and anything else we needed.

They are such a hoot!


The second significant thing is here:




This is a boy with autism eating a sloppy joe and not freaking out about it. I saw a look on his face somewhere around the beginning of him trying to eat it and so I started reminding him why it was called a sloppy joe. (I had discussed with him before that this is a 'sloppy' or 'messy' joe.) So when I saw him look at the meat falling out onto his plate and then look at me, I just smiled real big and said, "That's why they call it a sloppy joe!" He smiled real big and said, "Yep, it's a sloppy joe." He then repeated that a couple of times while eating dinner.

The other significant thing about him eating this is that it had diced onions and peppers in it and he ate it all without picking them out!!! This is the boy who begs for lasagna and then takes it apart layer by layer and picks the veggies out. Whoo Hoo for sloppy joes!!!

Change comes to those who wait (and sometimes wait and wait and wait) :D

Math Ladder

Pooh has been having a rough time learning the addition math facts. We've actually finished his Alpha work from Math U See and he still doesn't know all of them. He'll know some of them for a while and then it disappears. He was always able to get through the material for the simple reason that he loved using the manipulatives. He's very adept at using them and after a little trouble in the beginning became very good at 'solving for the unknown'.

However, I think that he became a bit lazy with using them. He uses the manipulatives without really thinking too much about it. As soon as he comes to a problem he doesn't know, he just uses the blocks. There are a few he would get without them but most of the time he took the easy way. That, of course, is my fault. If I had made him stop and we had discussed each time why 4+5=9 (doubles plus one), then I think he may have been learning to do more in his head. He's keeping the math external instead of trying to internalize it and that's where we'll be getting into trouble if we don't get it corrected.

Anyway, I've borrowed the book Games for Math by Peggy Kaye from the library. The other day I found a simple game we could try together. I liked this plan because it will help him learn the addition facts in a fun way and yet doesn't require massive index card preparation. (Preparation for stuff like that almost always make it impossible for me to follow through. I admit it. So there! ;D)


The game is Math Ladder. Basically, you take one sheet of paper. Draw a ladder on it giving enough rungs so that you can write 0-10 one on each rung in random order. The game is played using one die. If I roll a 3, I then take the die, keeping the 3 up, and put it beside each rung starting from the bottom. I must then solve the addition problem of bottom rung number + 3 = (blank). If I solve the bottom rung, I move up one level. I keep going until I get a wrong answer or reach the top.

Pooh and I have played it for two days now. We play after doing some flashcards. Due to that, I make sure that we only go through two or three cycles of tossing the die. I also make sure that I get things wrong. Who wants to play with someone who's always right and wins?

This is a great referencing activity because both ways can be used for referencing. When it's my turn, I'll say 4+3=7 and wait for Pooh to nod his head yes or no. Sometimes he'll say he doesn't know the answer, sometimes he says "let me think" and a couple of times he's said the answer before me. ;D The same type of referencing can be done when it's Pooh's turn.

If I find any other simple, easy prep games in the book (or anywhere else) that work for us, I'll post them.

Gestures

It really is amazing the little things that can happen from time to time. This evening we were having a family bible study and when Pooh was giving his narration of events, he used gestures. Ok. I have to admit I vaguely noticed this. I was actually concentrating on what he was saying more than on what he was doing with his hands.

He wasn't going to let it go unnoticed though. He says to us, "Did you see me?" "What?" I reply. "I was using my hands when I was talking." said Pooh. Me-"Oh yeeaaahhh. Hey, who taught you that?" Pooh grins and shrugs his shoulders, then says "I just want to be like my Daddy."

First, that is so sweet! I love when the boys look at what things (hopefully, good stuff! LOL) that we're doing and say they want to be like us.

Second, HOLY COW! He's realizing that Dad uses gestures and he doesn't. THEN he's correcting himself.

Third, He's making sure we know about it! I gave him a high five. LOL

Fourth, I guess that means I can work on using more gestures and see if he picks up on some different ones. I can tell he's not quite sure the right way to use them, but he gets an A++++++ for effort. AND, it's been a while since I even thought of working on gestures. Go Figure!

Fifth, you have to laugh at the fact he chose to imitate the King in gestures. After all, he's the Latin King right? And what do you know about Latinos? Watch Out when they're talking! he he If you're unfamiliar with that concept, think Italians and you'll get a great picture in your mind.

Snoopy Dance with Me!

Our Life With Autism

I saw a mom on a yahoo list talking about her son with autism. He's five and she wonders if it's normal for the autistic kids to cry a lot more at five than other kids.

My son with autism is now 11 and he still gets that toddler tantrum cry. Noooooooooo! It hits your bones. It pierces the soul, just as the infant cry does. So to still be living with it (although it has decreased immensely over the years)can be tiring, depressing and many other emotions mixed in.

I do think RDI can help. Tammy has shown that with her daughter Pamela. I think I've seen it help in our home. However, truth be told, I don't "do" RDI anymore. Right now, we're just living our lives. This is my confession time I guess. I admire so much those families that are keeping up with it and I follow your emails and blogs with enthusiasm, cheering you on, cheering your successes and feeling your despair when things aren't working well. (That goes for all the families with special needs children that I know, not just those doing RDI.)

I was pretty much 'done' with therapies by the time I found RDI. I thought when I learned about it that I was ready to start again. Ready to embark on the next chapter with gusto. Ready to delve into what I could do as a parent to help my child.

I was wrong.

I got into it and it totally exhausted me. My life was once again taken over by the autism. Examining the goals (and believe me, trying to figure out what the heck they mean is just too mind boggling for me), then figuring out if your child has mastered it or not, coming up with ways to work on the goal, remembering to video it (and i still have an old computer and camera that means i have to mail vhs tapes!!!) editing the video, etc etc. I'm just done with all that for now.

As I said, we're just living our lives. Since I found Charlotte Mason and the AO information, school has been so much easier. Oh and finding Math U See too. Wow! What a difference. This also doesn't mean I have forgotten the principles of RDI. I do still think about how I phrase things. Making statements instead of constant questions. I'm sure if we were videoing I'd find a lot more I need to change in my communication style. I'm still on the RDI lists. I still read RDI blogs. I still think about RDI almost everyday. It has affected our lives, but right now I can't let it control my life. I found it very difficult trying to cut my very demanding younger child out of the picture while trying to concentrate on my older one. Very stressful for all of us. The King can't even fathom trying to read all the info he needs to read about RDI so we talk about it sometimes or at least talk about some of the principles of it, but it isn't there as pressure.

Everyone needs to do what's best for their kids and family. We're all trying to find the balance. It hurts me to see all that Pooh still has to learn. But I've seen so much progress over the years that I know it will get better each year. Yes, he's very unreasonable some days. Some days we just can't get through to him. Other days, we make these wonderful connections. And one thing I know about my son's autism is that he does remember things we tell him. It comes out in other areas that he's remembered little tidbits of those connections and he'll apply it in ways other than what we were referring to.

We can reach his heart and it's that that helps me get through each day.

So for those of you with the fight still in you, RDI can help. For others, just understanding the principles of RDI can help. I haven't 'given up', I'm just taking it slow and easy. I'm still learning to 'let go' of those parts of autism that I have no control over right now. It's not that they won't change, but that it's going to take longer. I'm done with examining everything I do to see if it's handled right or wrong. I want to just be. Be happy with each day and teach my sons to be happy each day.

Thank you for all the encouragement, thank you for your blogs, thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs. I hope that as I continue to share our lives through our blog, it will help others and give a realistic view of life with autism.

General Update

It seems as if the blogging world has slowed down a bit now that it's summer. Some are on vacation, some have poison ivy :D, and I figured all the others are just busy. It's the same with us. We've actually still been schooling between all the other things we're doing.

We're now working on week 3 of AO's Year 1 schedule. That schedule I made up before isn't getting followed because, as usual, it was overly ambitious. So right now, we're just trying to do our work but in a casual manner. I'm adjusting expectations that I had as regards some of our readings and narration. I've learned that Pooh needs me to stop every couple of paragraphs for a narration so that he can stay focused. If I try to do a whole chapter or too large of a section, his mind wanders to other things and then we both get frustrated that 'he's not listening'. I also see where sometimes the language used in the reading confuses him or just causes a general misunderstanding of the storyline. It takes us discussing it together to make sure he can follow along. For instance, from Our Island Story, we read A Laconic Answer. He was able to narrate the end of the story in regards to the one guy (can't remember his name LOL) wanting to make war with the Lacons (or Spartans) but didn't get all the part where it explains what the Lacons were known for and why the end had 'a laconic answer'. Which to me is the whole point of reading this story. So we had to discuss it. Basically, I have to narrate. I have found myself asking questions about the readings, which I'm trying to limit or eliminate. I even found myself interrupting to correct something. Horrors!!!! I stopped myself and said, "whoops I'm interrupting" and put my hand over my mouth. Pooh thought this was funny and smiled as he finished his narration.

I've started reading Tigger his own books and that's working out better for both boys. I found The Adventures of Chatterer the Red Squirrel by Thornton Burgess (used book store) so that's one of 'his' books. I also read him Winnie the Pooh, Mother Goose and I have a very simple Shakespeare for kids book that I may start with him as well.

I still have some ordering to do. I need HWT copybooks for both boys. I am planning on ordering Sequential Spelling for Pooh and the next Explode the Code book. He'll be starting in #3 so I'll go ahead and order #4 when I make their school order. I'm also going to order a simple workbook for capitilization and punctuation for Pooh. I know, I know, we're not supposed to be doing grammar yet. However, he and I together just need a guide for getting those two concepts. Capitilizing holidays, days of the week, etc. That type of thing I'd like him to practice without having to hunt down some copywork that includes it. I found a workbook at Rainbow Resource that I think will be simple and we can just take our time with it.

I found Beethoven Lives Upstairs cd from a used book store and we've been listening to his music. I also have another regular cd of his music. Both boys will periodically talk about Beethoven. We even heard a doorbell at Lowes today that played Beethoven's Fifth and Tigger knew it right away.

We've been to see Wall-E with some friends. Very cute and has an environmental message. I thought it was better than the last two Pixar films (Ratatouille and Cars) but not as good as Monsters Inc and Finding Nemo.

This week is a dental week. I went today for my cleaning and checkup. I have to have a minor thing taken care of soon. Pooh goes tomorrow for a stainless steel cap put on one of his molars. Ughh! I think we're both nervous. He receives medicaid so it will all be paid for but the whole process wiggs me out. We also go to the only dentist in town that lets parents go back with the kids. (I just hate that all these docs and therapists think of the parents as a nuisance and evict them from the rooms!)

Today we did some Nature Study with the sunflowers that came up from fallen bird seed in our yard. I brought 3 of them into the kitchen in different stages. One where the flower just opened, one with the seeds starting to form and one where it was old and most of the seeds were gone. We examined them, talked about pistals, and seed formation, discussed what happened to all the missing seeds from flower number 3 and then did sketches in our nature journals of the flower and seeds and a leaf rubbing. Then we put the flower petals and a few leaves in our flower press.

We've been to a couple of pools, ice skating and parks. I spent the 3 day weekend doing a lot of gardening that included weeding (loads of it), pruning, pest squishing and organic fertilizing. I pruned back a load of Carolina Jasmine that was taking over the driveway from the fence running alongside and discovered a nest. I think I discovered it a little too late and I don't believe the parents have returned to care for the two little eggs we discovered there. Sigh. I bought an owl today to hopefully help scare the birds away from my developing grapes. I have tons of green tomatoes out there, peppers and eggplants are coming and have gotten one zucchini and a cuke so far. I've already discovered a couple of my squash plants invaded by the squash vine borers, so I split the stalk open to get the borer out, squished it and then covered the damaged stalk with soil. I'm hoping that the plants will continue to survive that way. My basil is all of a sudden growing like gang busters but I'm afraid my melons may not be coming along fast enough to get a harvest before the cold weather. We shall see.

I've discovered a new blog that I've fallen in love with. At this point in my life, I can't live exactly this way, but it's a dream to do it. I've been gorging myself with reading from there. I think that I have learned in my adulthood to do some things that I never knew about in my youth. I wasn't taught gardening, crocheting, sewing, preserving etc. None of it. I wasn't even taught to cook anything. My whole adult life has been a learning process with all of it. So to me, I'm accomplishing major stuff by doing what I am doing. I picked up a bread machine for a $1 at a yard sale, so I can make fresh bread. I still haven't gotten the whole by hand thing down but I still try here and there. I make our own pizzas for boys' night Fridays. I'm gardening and from that, learning to freeze and can food. I haven't gotten to the point of pressure cooking but maybe one day. It's a little by little process. I make our own scarves by crocheting and have been slowly crocheting a black shawl type thing. Add to all this learning stuff, that the older I get the more ADD I think I am, and you have a very interesting life. :D

I haven't been doing any official RDI lately. However, I'm still mindful each day of how I can be declarative, non-verbal and illicit more gestures from Pooh. I just don't know if we'll ever be able to keep up with life and RDI the way that we should. Sometimes I get freaked out by all that is involved in being a mom, but I try to just take one day at a time and do what I have to do for that day.

I need to get some other things accomplished this week like sending out invites for the boys' party, contacting one of those book clubs that don't realize I keep returning their automatic shipments and getting a flyer ready for our Yard Sale Fundraiser that I'm in charge of for our homeschool coop. Eeeeeek!!! One day at a time, breathe, one day at a time....

Robins, Chickens and Wrens Oh My!!!

Looking out our kitchen window yesterday at lunch, we noticed a Robin. I casually mentioned that he was picking up bits of straw or dead grass. Then I said, "I wonder what he's doing that for?" (notice the declarative sentence?!?)

Pooh: "I don't know."

Me: "He sure it picking up a lot of it."

Pooh: "Maybe it's for his nest."

Me: "I think you're right!" (said in astonishment as if I had never even thought of it ;D)

So while lunch was cooking, we got out our nature notebooks and drew a picture of a robin, the neighbor's chickens and the wren nesting in our shed. I used my handy-dandy RDI declarative language for the drawing as well. "I wonder what color I should make the robin's beak?" Pooh right away knew it was yellow. I opened my bird book and there it was! I don't know why I was so surprised that he knew the right color. I guess I just never realized the detail he picks up on his own about the animals. He doesn't talk about them much.

Tigger, meanwhile, was busily drawing the nest of the wren and making sure it had the three baby birds in it with their mouths open. Yes, we've already peaked and they are so cute. They just have fuzz right now, no feathers yet.

I followed up today by reading the small paragraph out of (drum roll please) the Handbook of Nature Study! Yeah, I did it!!! LOL It's officially my Green Hour Challenge Number 1. After two months of having the print out and my book by my bed, I got around to doing challenge number 1. Eeeeek! Now, I need to prepare for number 2!

Anyway......the paragraph we read was about the robin's nest. Yes, they use straw and dead grass, but did you know they also use mud? Then, they allow the mud to mold to the mom's body while it's still damp. Cool, huh! We decided we should try to find a robin's nest. No easy feat since we're surrounded by pine trees. Maybe the neighbor will let us peak into her maple to see if there's a nest there.

So, how do you like our Nature Study RDI style? :D It was loosely planned and very fun. I hope we can continue the interest there. Pooh was a little resistant to pulling out the nature notebooks, but when I mentioned drawing the chickens that changed his tune.

So, I guess we're into birds. LOL

Reflections on GPR, Resilience and Narration (Part 1)

Huh, what?! I know, I know, yet somehow they all go together. I'll get to it, I promise. Light bulbs have been going off for me with all of this stuff lately. My only problem will be in MY narrating it coherently. ;D My brain is a bit ADD and tends to jump around faster than I can catch all the thoughts. I'm going to go in order of what's listed in the subject and maybe I can keep it straight. All of what will be written here is as much for MY benefit as anyone reading this blog. I need to 'narrate' review what I'm learning to help me remember it all better. Thanks for 'listening'. ;D

1. In RDI, we learn A LOT about GPR (the Guided Participation Relationship formerly referred to as Master/Apprentice Relationship). So what is the GPR? I'm glad you asked? he he I like to take things down to the most simplistic form. So, to me, GPR is just thought of as 2-way communication. Sometimes that means it's verbal, and sometimes it comes thru facial expressions, gestures and sound effects. This is the normal way we all develop. As babies we come out programmed to pay attention to those around us, to feed off the information given us by their words, voice, face etc. It's how we learn about the world. As we get older, we continue to learn 'thru other people'. We read body language. For instance, you can probably tell when what you're saying is confusing somebody by looking at them. So you may slow down, start over etc.

This is important stuff because most autistic kids are not learning this way. They learn thru movies and books, maybe some rote tasks taught. They are not learning thru people. Not in a Guided Participation Relationship. Why does it matter?? Because, people are dynamic, ever changing. Books, movies, tasks are not, they are static or the same all the time. The GPR is foundational to our normal neurological development. Without it, strange stuff starts to happen. We, as the guides, lose touch with our child. We're not getting the feedback we need to understand where they are at, what they are thinking and where their 'edge of competency' is.

The edge of competency is simply referring to that point you know you can push somebody to before chaos erupts. With babies we keep encouraging them to take one or two more steps by gauging how they did on their last walking experience and lengthening it a bit each time. When adults are talking and one is giving directions, he's watching for the edge of competency of who he's explaining to. When the glazed look comes into their eye, you know to back up and give support (or scaffold) at the point they got lost. All of this can also be referred to as the 'zone of proximal development'--working within someone's edge of competency.

Example: Dancing. Think about how much non-verbal communication goes into 2 people learning to dance a routine. How close, far apart to place the body, foot, hands etc. Timing involved in staying with the music, your partner and the steps of the dance. GPR is all the stuff it takes for these two people to produce a finished product. If your partner is autistic, what generally happens (at least with my Pooh) is yelling (this is too hard!!), stomping (my poor foot!) and leaving (avoidance of a challenge).

Which leads us to Resilience....

(This post is getting entirely too long so I'm going to write this as a little series. Stay tuned for part 2.)

Happenings

Well, here is what has been keeping us busy the last couple of weeks.

Car Repairs--This is the time of year for inspections and getting new tags. Also, I took the van in to have it checked for a few things before our trip. While I was without the van I drove the King's truck whose starter died while I was running errands. Yikes! I was stranded and so was the King (at work). We got that problem solved by my pleading for help from the shop guys. lol Then one place said I needed new tires. I go all the way to Sears for that, because that's our usual place, and they said I didn't need new tires. Thus a trip to the mall because I had already promised that we would go while waiting for the van.

Shopping--I've been doing a lot of shopping lately. Sandals for everybody, bathing suits, beach towels, SEA WORLD TICKETS (gotta love that one. Neither the boys nor the King have ever been to Sea world) AAA triptik, books for Ambleside Online's Year 1 found thru various sources online including www.half.com, www.abebooks.com, www.alibris.com and www.amazon.com. I'm having fun scoring hardcover books for the same price or less than the new paparbacks from Amazon. I got two Holling C Holling books in hardcover and 4 of the D'Aulaire books in hardcover. Also, Beautiful Stories from Shakespeare and the James Heriot Treasury. That's all that i can think of right now. I also shopped for Tigger who got a little gift for successfully potty training. I shopped both online and in stores for musical instruments for the boys. We decided to get Tigger a guitar (from Target) and a keyboard for Pooh (from Amazon). I also got a lap harp. I want to incorporate music lessons into our RDI as well as teach them to play. Tigger is a very big instrument lover already, just like the King.

Field Trip--I organized our local homeschool group going on a field trip to a local science center and planetarium. That was fun! Everyone was happy to get together.

Bowling--I have been wanting to do a little party for Tigger for potty training (before our summer pirate party--too far away) so I organized our homeschool group to go bowling. $2 per hour including shoe rental!!!! Can't beat that! Everyone paid their own way, but I brought a cake and the paper supplies. The kids are all itching to do it again one day.

Gardening--I start all my plants from seeds pretty much. So I have been transplanting broccoli, cauliflower and cabbage into the garden. Then going to Lowes to hunt down the mole repellent you sprinkle around the plants because they were getting eaten. Fertilizing said plants along with the asparagus, onion and garlic I'm growing. I also have started tomatoes, peppers and eggplants that i moved into their own cups last week. There are a lot of flower seeds in my house and getting ready to be moved to my little greenhouse. I want the space back in my living room. Unfortunately, my greenhouse isn't one i can afford to heat enough to start early stuff in.

All this means we've had a two week spring break. There has been a little reading and some listening to audio books. Oh and the RDI stuff! Can't forget that. However, this week I have to get back on track with our regular routine. Our FL trip is coming up fast and I won't be dragging our math along on that. (although I'm considering bringing some of the books we're reading in addition to the audio ones--not sure yet on that though).

More New Things

I just thought i would mention some other new things we've tried for our current RDI goal.

1. Nutcracker: I finally hunted down a nutcracker in the stores. Those things are amazingly hard to find! I didn't find those basic versions we all remember from when we were kids. The only one I found is probably ergonomically correct (at least it looks like it could be) and also cracks seafood and was $10!!! I already had some pecans that needed to be eaten so I guess it was well worth it. It was sooo cute because after Pooh cracked them, he started feeding me the bits of nuts. He hates nuts so I guess he figured he'd better feed them to me so he wouldn't have to eat them. LOL

2. Making a protein shake with the blender. If we've ever done this, it was so long ago that Pooh didn't seem to remember. He referenced me all over the place for this activity. Also, I scaffolded the activity in the sense that when it was time to turn on the blender, I covered his ears for him so he could continue to be part of it.

3. Using the Wrap n Learn Math version from Discovery Toys. Pooh didn't reference as much with this one I think because he was so intense on figuring it out with matching the pictures.

4. Showing him a new kitchen tool---Pampered Chef's Finger Guard. Pooh declared that 'it's a great invention!" and i have to agree. Now i don't worry so much about him chopping off a fingertip or two and he feels easier about holding on to the vegetables as he's chopping. Before he would just chop 'at' the veggies if you know what i mean. He was keeping his free hand far away from the blade. We also chopped a new vegetable---drum roll please...........

CABBAGE. I can hear everybody now saying "oooooooo aaahhhhhhh". he he

5. Pruning shears. This was something laying on the kitchen island that Pooh picked up on his own and asked about. So I got my vase of fresh flowers and had him nip a bit of the ends off a few. Pretty cool when they do it on their own!!

That's all that I can remember right now. The crayon making was a bust because the mold wasn't included in the box. I guess I'll try to hunt one down from crayola one day. I also bought a little origami set but I tried it by myself one night and I have a feeling it may just be too hard. We'll see. Target had a couple of little sets on sale that i picked up--sewing elephants was one and I can't remember the other, but they're on my very long "To Do" list.

This has been a crazy last two weeks and I'll blog separately about some other goings on soon.

Salad Tongs

You guys are going to think I'm nuts. I finally just got around to buying a set of salad tongs. Pampered Chef's bamboo ones no less. Why haven't I had salad tongs before you may ask? Well, I have had two pairs in the years I've been married. The King breaks them every time. He's a bit of a klutz with that kind of stuff, but I put up with it because he does dishes. LOL We went through two complete sets of 20 glasses the first few years we were married. In addition to that, I've lost all but two of my wine glasses, my perfume bottle I bought in France and several plates and bowls.

So, salad tongs. This time they're bamboo, so maybe they'll last.

So for dinner tonight after the table was set, I placed the tongs on Pooh's plate. "What's this?" he asked. (meanwhile the King is trying to busily set up the video camera so we missed the very first part of the 1 minute activity LOL) I took the tongs and flipped them around so the spring action would work. He watched me, looked at the salad bowl on the table and started right in. I held someone's bowl while he put in the salad. I think it was toooo easy really. Yes, it was something new but he barely even needed help. He did reference for help though which I guess is the whole point of this exercise.

Tomorrow I have to remember to buy the nutcracker while we're running errands.

Flower Pressing

My King bought me a beautiful bouquet of roses last week and it is still hanging on by it's last little threads of life. They are the palest peachy-pink with a pale yellow color on the inside. I've been enjoying them all week.

Today as I was changing their water and trimming the ends, some of the petals of the roses were falling off. So I thought I should save these. I put them in a bowl and after I was done decided "Hey, why don't I use that flower press that I bought at Goodwill and have never tried?" So I'm moseying along cleaning up my flower mess, when suddenly I realized "Duh, Pooh has never used the flower press either! It's a new thing! We'll RDI it and video tape it for our consultant!!!"

This just goes to show that no matter how much you think about planning, nothing beats those natural moments when you realize there's a neat RDI thing to do. And sometimes, you don't even realize you're doing it until you're halfway through doing something! Then there's those times when you finish something and think "Ahhhh, I could have done an RDI activity with that!" I'm going to have to start note taking on my frig so that I can record all these passing ideas and thoughts that run 180 miles through my brain. The more busy life gets, the less I remember. Let's hope when I get up tomorrow I remember to start the frig list. ;D

Just so you know, the Flower Pressing went great. I was even able to include Tigger. I had to prep him by telling him he couldn't boss Pooh around and then decided that it should just be no-talking for Tigger. At one point through the activity,Tigger, who wanted to continue with us, said "Can I stop talking now Mommy?" "Sure, sweetie." I responded. LOL

Pooh definitely referenced for help in figuring this new thing out, was eager to participate and did great turn-taking with Tigger unprompted or aided by me. We did three sections in the Flower Press which took us about 20 minutes for the activity beginning to end. That included learning to take off the butterfly nuts (I only know the name because I just yelled for help from the King ;D) and screws, laying the cardboard, cutting the wax paper, laying the petals, cutting another wax paper, then laying more cardboard, etc, etc. The butterfly nuts were taking a little bit of time to get off, so I started singing Around the Mulberry Bush and when they came off, we said "Pop goes the weasel". When we put them back on they became helicopters coming in for a landing "bubububbububububu". They liked the idea of 'smooshing' the flowers.

I was very pleased with it all. Two more ideas I really want to do this week are 1. using the crayon maker I picked up at a yard sale this week (must read the directions myself first) and 2. buy a nutcracker as I have some pecans that we could crack. Both are 'something new' for Pooh.

RDI Update

We've moved into the new Stage 2. yeah!!!

This is per my consultant. If it was left up to me, I'd probably still be trying to figure out the objectives from Stage 1. I'm just not good at translating them into language I understand. I try to figure it out, but still feel a little lost when reading them. I apologized to my consultant for being a bit of a dunce with it, but I think she forgives me. ;D

Anyway, our new goal has to do with presenting new things to Pooh and seeing if he will reference for help. Does he just plod on through thinking he can figure it out himself? Or does he look to his guide (me) for help? Some things suggested due to his age were: using a cheese slicer or bottle opener, sewing, finger crocheting, origami, removing lint from dryer, checking oil and air pressure, putting on a doorknob, a new craft or recipe. Sounds daunting doesn't it? And I've got to get it on video. I think I'll be scaling back the school work while we do this because it means looking and doing new things which will required prep time and clean up time. That's what gets me in the end, the prep and cleaning. My plan is to come up with some good stuff to start working in on Monday and throughout the week to video. So I better hop to it.

Also, if there's anyone out there reading this who'd like to offer some suggestions for activities, feel free.

Checkers Goal

So we've been working on this 'Checkers' goal for the past few days. I've been really trying this time to just do things in the moment instead of preplanning so much and getting bogged down with "activities". I've noticed that i don't even need to do any prep work for Pooh to be involved. Just pausing and looking at him clues him in that he needs to be alert for my move. Sometimes it's an eye movement-from him to an object, like the groceries in the cart at checkout. Sometimes, i catch his gaze and move towards the clothes dryer. He just follows me and starts joining in with what I'm doing. No talking is involved.

I've also played keep a way with the dishes he's supposed to be cleaning off the table, played a blocking game where i don't let him by as he's trying to leave the room and made Teechino (herbal coffee) RDI style.

So I think this goal is going well! I'm not stressing over it and am trying to incorporate 'lifestyle' ideas and I believe that this is working. I'm happy to see that our sabbatical didn't cause a major loss of referencing skills either.

This means i need to get working on my parent goals and giving feedback on the RDIos to my consultant. Hop to it, girl!

'Checkers'

I talked with our RDI consultant today to start getting us back on track after a very long 'sabbatical', if you will. She and I were talking about Pooh's next goal. It has to do with Reciprocal and Contingent actions. As she is telling me what in heavens name she is talking about (RDI lingo is a steep learning curve for me ;D), I started thinking 'Checkers'.

This goal is basically like the game of checkers. It's turn taking (the Reciprocal part). And each person is always basing their move on what the other person does (the Contingency part). This is all going through my head as she's explaining that we are concentraing on the physical actions not the verbal (due to Pooh's frequent scripting--i just ignore it). Then she starts explaining that I need to come up with a catch phrase for this goal, something like Physical Contingency. Huh?!? I said, "How about Checkers?"

I'm the first parent that has ever used that as a catch phrase for this goal. Fancy That! LOL

No, really, RDI lingo may be easy for some, but if I have to be thinking of doing something all day to work on the goal, I'd much rather be muttering 'Checkers' than 'Physical Contingency'. So any of you RDI'ers who may read this blog, don't worry if your mutterings sound stupid, just make it easy on yourself.

Something I tried today that worked well was as Pooh was leaving the kitchen, I did blocking manuevers. You know, they move to the left to get by so you move to block them. (Remember to do this non-verbally with a happy Sesame Street face, not a Hitler one. ;D) Then they learn they can try to get through by going under your legs or running around the kitchen table. We had fun with this and Pooh did it with no problems. Then the King start a face-making game. We did a three way game of making silly faces. Pooh played right along.

I'm going to try going with the flow and work it into everything we're doing. I tend to overthink it and try creating things to do. I make myself nuts doing this. So for this goal, I've personally decided to try it in the most natural way possible. We'll see how that goes.

Play checkers, play checkers , play checkers. I have to play checkers. ;P

RDI-Your Background Matters

The other day I wrote a post where i expressed my displeasure that after 8 years with Pooh having the diagnosis of autism, the King still couldn't give a simple, basic explanation. Tammy, from AUT-2B-HOME wrote how her dh also has difficulties due to being raised in an imperative household. My King is Latino and as such, was raised in a very imperative way. Imperative meaning "Do It Now" no questions asked. You are robotic in your obedience. "Hurry Up" is frequently said. I'm not saying all Latinos are raised this way, but it is common. I'm NOT Latina and I was raised with no guidance from one side of the family and had Cruela de Vil on the other. (if you don't do it right, you get to start all over again from the beginning until you do get it right. Ugh)

I'm mentioning this because, when you're coming into RDI, it's important to realize what type of parenting style you have and that's based a lot on how you were raised. Your Background Matters. You have to acknowledge it so you can then make the necessary adjustments. I think this is one of the hardest parts of RDI. You HAVE to change the parenting style for you to get the changes you want in your child.

That means no more "hurry up", instead you have to slow everything down. I mean way down. Don't try doing RDI when you have something you have to finish. Or something you feel important having done correctly. It won't work. If you're picky about how you fold laundry, don't do RDI with it, or do RDI with the towels that maybe don't matter so much.

This also means changing your communication style (verbal and nonverbal) to a declarative style instead of imperative. Pick activities that this will work with for you and the child. Once again, don't try doing it with things you are picky about, you'll become imperative in a flash. I know you will, don't even think about defending yourself on this one. Invite instead of order. Comment instead of command. Relax and have fun instead of drill and question. If you're planting flowers, some will get mangled, be planted upside down or drowned. Let it be part of the experience. It's not the problem, it's the experience and the way we adjust and allow the child to think about what's happening that is the important part.

So if you're going this RDI road without a consultant, think about your background, how that affects your parenting style and then, how you can adjust it. (This is obviously what I'm doing and encouraging the King to do as well.) Video taping is a big part of RDI because the parent sees, not what the child is doing wrong, but what we're doing wrong and how we change our behavior to allow the child to grow cognitively.

RDI parenting will only help. It's about 'Relationship' and 'Connecting' with your child. That's the true parenting anyway.

RDIos Lite 1

Ok, so yes, I think I'm missing out on the videos part. Or maybe I just haven't found them yet. What I've been looking at in the last week, is the elearning section. It's like little slide shows but you hear Dr. G talking/explaining things. I absolutely LOVE being able to listen to him. I choose the topic (we've been doing Guided Participation) and there are about 25 little slide shows adding up to one hour of listening time. I can stop and start it whenever I want. The King has been listening with me and trying to get better at understanding Autism and Rdi. I discovered this weekend that, after 8 years of him watching and reading different info i've given him, he still has no idea how to explain what autism is to other people. I'm not saying he hasn't tried to pay attention. It's just not been a priority for him. And yes, he's watched the whole Getting to the Heart of Autism DVD. We had a serious discussion about it because it bothers me. He needs to understand this to be able to give at least a simple explanation of what our son is like and what we're trying to do to help him. Anyway, I feel that the elearning section of the website will be a great help in that. And it's wonderful for me too. I need the review from time to time, because I read so much I just can't always keep everything all straight.

That's the latest. I'll keep looking for more tidbits to share.

Just Joined RDIos

Ok, i'm in. Doing the Lite version which basically means I have access to most stuff but not the videos? Not sure. I'll be exploring what i can and getting up with my consultant soon. It's sort of exciting, if it's all what it's cracked up to be. I'm hoping to get more info on each objective and ideas of things to do as I go along.

I'll keep you posted!

Summer Days

I have a feeling that this month may be more hit and miss with blogging. We have been having some really nice days with friends to keep us busy in this summer weather. The boys have been invited to a few summer pool parties, several pool days, a nature hike and will be having their own annual summer party at the end of August. This year their party theme is Outer space. So I've got to get my booty in gear for the 24 boys this will involve. (I know. Call me insane. ) Tomorrow we are going to the zoo. Pooh has been asking to go for months, but it has been put off for one reason or another. With the relatively cooler weather we are having this week I thought it would be a good day to go.

RDI wise, I have gone ahead and sent a tape to our consultant to see how we're coming along with framing for roles. I think Pooh was responding well. I just found myself having to walk that fine line between not being the director and also not over compensating for him. I'll wait for the consultant's feedback before blogging anymore on that area.

In getting that new washer and dryer I've talked about, I neglected to mention that this involved tearing everything out of our laundry closet. It is now all sitting in the middle of what was my newly reorganized basement. I'm not happy about this AT ALL! The reason for the chaos is that we decided to have our machines stacked instead of side by side. This meant taking out the generic shelves we had put up when we moved in 4 years ago. We are going to get some type of wire shelving system from Lowe's, but need to measure and go there together (together is the key with men and hardware stores) to decide which system will work. The laundry closet walls are a mixture of the cement block used in basements and drywall. It's never easy. I'm probably looking at another whole week before I get things back together. Meanwhile, I have to keep the boys from destroying any of the boxes sitting on the floor.

I love my new machines though!!!! They are the coolest. LOL I do notice how much cleaner the clothes look coming out of the front loader. They take longer in the washer but are spun so well, even a full load of towels only takes about 40 minutes to dry. Maybe my utility bills will go down. Wouldn't that be nice! I have been making my own laundry soap for a few months now. But I decided to change what I was doing. I had been making a liquid laundry soap and now I'm switching to a powder one. I like it better. I think I'm going to try selling it locally. It is great for anyone wanting to Go Green and/or chemically sensitive. Making an extra little bit of money here or there would really help. We'll see how it goes. Oh and this soap works perfectly with the new HE machines. Very low sudsing.

Well, I better start heading for bed. The zoo is a lot of walking, so I need to hit the hay!

Laundry and TV

Media and the Mind I read this post from a blogger I just happened to visit-not one I was normally reading (but I will now). I really appreciate how she put into a brief synopsis so much of what I've been reading lately. I've been hearing of this book "Endangered Minds" but haven't read it yet. I HAVE read Waldorf's recommendations on getting rid of "media" ie TV, video games, computer games. RDI recommends cutting way back on screen time (their way of referring to the same things). It's really funny (not ha ha funny) how people can be so horrified at living life without TV. I know to a certain extent I used to be the same way. Live without shows?? You've got to be kidding me. I have actually lived without a TV on two separate occasions in my life. Once, when I moved out and out-of-state from my parents I lived for about 8 months with no TV. I was suffering from depression then, so really once I got the TV it didn't make much difference. I was still sucked into my void. The other time was when I moved into an apartment, right before the King and I got married. We lived without a TV for over a year I think. I got a lot more of my important reading done and the King got a lot more sleep. Now I've just got too much to do to be that interested in TV. Plus, programming has gone to pot. There are a lot of shows that I wouldn't want to be watching if I were watching TV. I seem to have a weakness each year for American Idol. (I just hate when they show commercials for junky shows during this time period. Please, my kids watch it with me!) And in the winter, the King and I do enjoy some of the Masterpiece Theater programs. (of course LOL) But that's been the extent of my TV habits the last few years. Sometimes, hubby will want me to watch a movie with him and I have to make myself sit down and watch something. I'd much rather be reading "Endangered Minds"!


Now with the kids, I'm trying to cut back on "screen time". I've told them that if they watch too much TV their little brains "wont' grow" ;D. We went a week with no TV last year. Pooh did a lot better than I thought he would. I had the days marked on the calendar and he did fine, except he just quoted the movies all day. We recently had to give the kids a No TV day because they had snuck an extra movie while we were doing yard work. I knew they had done it, but decided that instead of going in and confronting them about it, I would just call a No TV day instead. It worked. They promised to "never ever do it again". ;D At least, they got the point for now. No sneaking. We do have the rule that they have to ask first and I have to approve what they are going to watch.

Another thing I've been doing so far is having them pick the PBS shows they are going to watch in advance. We sort of have a little pow wow in the morning and they each tell me which show they want to watch for that day. That way I don't get asked 5 million times if they can watch this or that. They know what time the shows come on and Pooh definitely keeps track of the clock for that. If he misses the show he's picked while we are at home doing something, he will get upset. But, if we're out and about, he's much more mellow that "he'll see it another day." So, there's some flexibility there.

I think I mentioned before about how I've gone through their videos and donated a bunch to the library. That is one way of cutting down on clutter and the importance of hoarding all these movies. I like borrowing the movies from the library because I have a much larger variety there to have them choose from. They have to be turned in within a week too, so that means that there's an end to when they are available. We do still have some movies at home for family movie night, sick time, really bad weather, etc.

This is getting kind of long and I haven't even gotten to the laundry part yet. I'm going to have to do another Media post about what my future plans are too. So, the laundry portion of this is that yesterday we went shopping for our new washer and dryer. Yep, had to get a new set. There weren't any on Freecycle. (Sears had a nice sale, 12 months no interest, plus we had another 10% coupon. So I got a set of front loaders. Whoaaaa! They are cool! The dryer works faster than the washer. The complete opposite of what I had before. Go figure!)

Anyway, I know you're waiting to see what Laundry has to do with TV. Well, when we were talking to the appliance guy at Sears, I mentioned that all the new TV's were cool. You know, big flat screens and the colours are just amazing on them. Not that we were looking to buy, but just saying. He talks about how there was one on a really good sale. Then I made the comment that we only had one TV and we were trying to keep it that way. You should have seen his face. You would have thought I said we used an outhouse instead of a bathroom! It's funny and yet sad. When we did become a society that needed to have one TV per person in the house? It separates Mom and Dad watcing from the kids watching. I think the TV watching should be something planned. That way it helps control the amount of time one watches it and teaches compromise. Mom wants to watch Oprah-Kids want to watch Arthur? Compromise. Or better yet, go for a walk together.

There's so much out there besides TV. It's time to get out there and experience it.