A Real Conversation

My autistic son, Pooh, talks a lot.  He talks a lot about movies and history.  So it was a momentous occasion recently when he initiated a Real Conversation. (said with fanfare--flag waving and jesters jesting) 

This month I started working an evening job cleaning an office.  So about a week after I started, he and I are entering Harris Teeter when I hear, "So, how's work going?"  It didn't register at first as I was thinking about what I had to get at the store and since he talks AT me all the time, I tend to tune him out.  But after a few seconds I looked at him and said "Are you talking to me?"  "Well, yeah." was the response.

I picked my lower jaw up off the floor and said the job was fine.  Also that I have to clean the toilets and vacuum and mop and stuff like that.  He got this funny grin on his face and then said "So what's the worst thing you don't like to do?"  Another shocker.  He's continuing the conversation with another question!!!

So I replied with "Hmmmm, I think vacuuming is the worst thing."  I then get, "Yeah, I don't like vacuuming either."

That was the end but WOW!  I never really talked to him about my working except to tell both boys they would be assigned things to do while I was gone each evening.  So he came up with all of that on his own.  The whole kit and caboodle.  I hope this means there will be more coming.

Pooh has definitely changed in the last year.  He's become interested in some very teenagery type stuff that I wasn't thinking he'd pay attention to.  He wants the radio on when we're driving and he has specific song preferences.  I made him a cd which he was happy with. It has some of the songs he really likes-Rascal Flatts, Bruno Mars (only the ones previewed and selected by me-ahem), Coldplay.  It's typical boy preferred type music.  He groans when the new Adele song comes on that I like.  LOL  "Not that again!"

He's also more aware of clothing than what I thought.  He told me he'd wear shorts this summer if they were like his cousin's (who dresses very fashionably).  I was able to convince him that most of the jean shorts he owns came from said cousin and so they are 'cool'.

He's got very hairy legs, hairy armpits, body odor, a tiny mustache and a VERY deep voice.  For a while when his voice changed, I'd freak that some stranger had come in the house.  Then my brain would finally process that no, that's my son!  I just bought him shoes in a men's size 9.  He's already around 5'1".  I'm only 5'3" so he's thrilled.  LOL

He uses words like 'lame' and tells me he can't watch PBS shows because he's not a 'baby' anymore.  He does still like Spongebob and Phineas and Ferb but I know adults who like those shows too so that's not saying a whole lot.  ;D

He's maturing and it's wonderful to see.  There are still a lot of areas to work on but they come at HIS pace, no one else's.  That's always been his way--from learning to tie his shoes to learning to ride his bike to learning to read.  He does it when he's ready.  Patience is required on the part of the parents-read ME.  It's not easy. 

So until I update my photo the the side, here's what my teenager looks like.

Penalty Chores

I know. It doesn't sound pleasant does it? To tell you the truth, I'm not crazy about the fact that I had to implement this system. But it has helped with some issues we deal with here. I really prefer to use more natural consequences. Such as: "If daily work isn't done, it has to be done in the evening." "Not eating dinner (because they don't like something) can lead to going to bed hungry." etc.

However, we deal with some things with Pooh that just drive me batty. He's a yeller. His faulty emotional regulation can lead him into some awful fits of rage. (I say awful because to me they are. I do understand that other mothers of autistic children deal with rages that are a whole lot worse.) Just this past week he had worked himself into a fit about something. He was in his room but he was just doing his deep screaming (kind of lion roaring) and banging things around. I ended up going in there and very firmly telling him to STOP. I told him what he was going to do. "You are going to stop yelling, right now! You WILL get control of yourself! You will not scream and you will not damage anything in this room." He did it. He stopped yelling. He was still angry but he stopped the raging. After a few minutes, we were then able to actually talk about the problem and come to an understanding. Sometimes that's what I have to do to break through his one track thinking.

That's kind of what the penalty chores do for him too. For a while he has angrily yelled "You're Fired!" at me, Dad and even others who anger him. I've tried talking to him about it. We discussed what it means and that it's a disrespectful thing to say. Would he want others to say it to him? There are other ways to express anger. Etc. He didn't care. I tried understanding his need to express himself. But then I just got tired of it. One day I decided that was it. Enough was enough. (This isn't the only thing he yells when he's angry, just an example.)

Now if he says it he gets a penalty chore. If he yells "I hate you!" he gets a penalty chore. Those things are now totally not an option here. As soon as I instituted the penalty chores, you could see him working on stopping what he was doing. He'd start to say it and stop himself. Something finally got through. Do I wish it was something else? Yes, but I have to go with what is working right now.

The first week we started this new program he really threw some fits. He even told me very calmly one evening, "I command you to stop giving me penalty chores." LOL So we ended up having a 15 minute chat about my responsibilities as his mom and how some other things we tried weren't working. I would make a declarative statement, he would think about it and try to come up with something easier as a punishment. He was trying to negotiate a lighter sentence. ;D I wish I could remember the whole conversation because his reasoning on some things was very interesting! After that, he said in a very dejected voice, "Fine." He did his penalty chores the next day very quickly and was fine. Some times he'll go days without anything and then there have been a couple of days where he racked up 9 chores!

We don't use the penalty chores for everything. There are plenty of other consequences that can happen for other stuff. We basically use them for out and out disobedience and disrespect. He's allowed to be upset about stuff but not to the point of causing the whole house to be topsy turvy.

Here are some things that we use as Penalty Chores:

Washing various walls.
Wash doorknobs.
Wash lightswitches.
Wash doors (inside and out)
Clean windows.
Clean mirrors.
Baseboards
Door frames
Window sills
Raking pine needles
Sweeping porches/sidewalk
Clean doors of fridge/freezer/stove
Wash cabinet doors

None of these are very complicated. It's just the doing of them that hits home. It's either a soapy washcloth or vinegar spray and cloth that does the cleaning. I don't use harsh cleaners so that isn't something I have to worry about.

Yes, Tigger does get in on the action. He's a little spitfire and his mouth can get him into real trouble. He's done his share of wall washing. I think they must get the yelling from the King's side of the family. It CAN'T be from mine. ;D Really, though, some of Pooh's behavior has rubbed off onto Tigger. I do have a hard time knowing where to draw the line with Pooh's autistic acting out and just plain 'this isn't acceptable' behavior. Where does the autism end and the just plain being bratty begin?

I'll go with this system for as long as it works. I do have to say that we have had more conversations this summer about behavior and ways to do things than we ever did before. Not sure if it's the system, a maturing process or what. But I'm not going to change anything until I need to! Don't want to rock the boat.

Explaining Autism to the Autistic

About a year to a year and a half ago, I mentioned to Pooh that he had autism. He asked "What is autism?" and my reply was something to the effect "It's when something is different about your brain that makes it hard for you to do/understand certain things." I mentioned it twice and after the second time he said: "No, I don't have autism." I left it at that.

At the beginning of August, we went with another family on a hike at a nearby mountain. While we were at the Welcome Center, I noticed another father there with his son. There were two reasons I noticed them. I heard loud, repetitive noises coming from the son, and I saw the father wearing some type of autism awareness t-shirt. Right after my noticing them, I heard Pooh say: "There's something wrong with that kid." He said it to me in a quiet way. It didn't reach the ears of said kid or parent, which I thought was significant on Pooh's part. He had enough awareness to just quietly tell me.

What an opportunity! I immediately explained to Pooh that "No, he has autism just like you do." I again got the "What's autism?" Now, my replies aren't exactly tactful. They aren't sugar coated. They just are what they are. Especially since I wasn't exactly prepared to have a 'conversation' about it. So I said "It's when something in your brain doesn't work right. For him, autism makes him make those noises. For you, it makes it hard to control your anger." Pooh accepted that.

And this was really sweet--I mentioned that I know sometimes those noises can be annoying. Pooh said, "No, they don't annoy me. I can just ignore them." Purple Puddles! as FLYLADY would say!

I know that different families have different ways of looking at Autism. Some would say it's not a disability. Some say it's just a different way of living. Some use the expression disABILITY. I'm all for looking for the positive as you'll see later in what we ended up doing. However, I want Pooh to understand that for him, it IS a disability. This is not the norm. It isn't how we're supposed to be made. This will be a challenge in his life. There are obstacles to overcome. I believe it's the first step in him seeing why he needs to work on certain things. To me it's no different than someone born without a leg or with diabetes. It's ok to say "I have a disability. I was born without a leg. These are the ways I deal with that challenge." I want Pooh to be able to say "I have autism. It makes it hard to do (fill in the blank). These are the ways I can cope/deal with that challenge." I want him to understand why it looks easy for his friends to do certain things while it's harder for him. I think acknowledgment needs to be made (if possible) for self-esteem purposes and for life in general. People with auto-immune illnesses tend to talk about wanting 'validation'. I think the same applies for understanding autism. Validate their difficulties by explaining it is a problem that has to be overcome/dealt with.

Anyway, for about a week and a half, we had a few conversations with Pooh on autism and how it affects him. The first few times he would try to remember the name of it and instead say "You know, that thing with my brain?" One time Tigger piped up, "OH! You mean Asthma!" Noooooo! It's not asthma! LOL It's Autism. "Oh yeah, autism."

We explained to Pooh that when he was little he would scream A LOT and he stopped talking. We decided to take him to the doctor and that's what the doctor told us, he has autism. He replied, "You mean I was born with it?!?" Yes, Pooh, you were born with it. That was quite a revelation to him.

We explained that autism is the reason that he wants to talk about history all the time. The reason he gets angry so much. The reason that he doesn't always understand what people are talking about.

He asked a few questions about it. He looked like he was going to cry and said he was worried his friends wouldn't like him because he had autism. We reassured him that his friends already know and that they still like him. He asked if I had it, if Dad had it, if Tigger had it. No to all of those. That bothered him a bit. I then explained that even though Tigger doesn't have autism he has a dairy allergy and he can't have cow milk. That even though Mom and Dad don't have autism, our brains make us forget stuff all the time, because we're getting old. ;D He grinned at that. We talked about how lots of people have different problems and that we (people with problems) have to learn how to deal with them.

As a family we sat and made a chart. On one side it lists Qualities and on the other Challenges. We all started by naming qualities that we liked about Pooh (he joined in). We also mentioned his challenges. At the end Tigger piped up and said "Mommy, there are more good things than bad things!" Pooh smiled, nodded yes and hugged his Dad.

Pooh has even already started using it as an excuse, much to our amazement. Reason for not listening: "That thing with my brain." After a bit of frustration on my part I say to him, "I don't understand what the deal is. You were fine all day and now all of a sudden you're all grumpy! What is the deal?!?" Pooh responds in his best teenager voice, "You know, I have auuuu-tismmmm." Choke back the laughter. I had to. :D

We've also discussed not using it as an excuse but instead working on those things that cause difficulties. Like anger, movie line quoting, etc.

We discussed our bible based hope for the future when "No resident will say 'I am sick.'" Is. 33:24. It was very comforting to him.

I consider this Phase 1 in our autism conversations. I am very satisfied with how they went. Hopefully, Phase 2 will go as smoothly.

Resilience and Charlotte Mason

Charlotte Mason was an amazingly deep thinker. Somehow she was able to really 'see' children. She thought of them as individuals, much to the contrary of many in her time period. These young individuals come with their own set of excellent qualities and challenges. Many children have the challenge of not having much in the way of Resilience, especially children with special needs. Pooh has autism and it is very evident that this is a difficult challenge for him.


Resilience is your typical "bounce back" from troubles quality. Most people when presented with a challenge have some type of copying mechanism that enables them to go on or continue with what they're doing or to overcome the challenge. For instance, you may be driving along and get a flat tire. What do you do? There are several options if you have resilience: change the tire yourself, call your husband, call AAA, slowly drive to a nearby gas station, etc. A person without resilience wouldn't know what to do. They may cry, scream, just sit there for hours until someone comes upon them or be scared out of their mind. Or they may have an idea of what to do but be unable to get themselves to the point of action.

Charlotte Mason wanted us to teach our children resilience. Read Charlotte Mason's Students Motto. Notice the language of the motto. "I am, I can, I ought, I will." What is this language doing? It is teaching resilience. It is giving children a mindset from which they can draw upon during the challenges they face daily.



Now read A Guide to Promoting Resilience. Notice the language there under the section Three Sources of Resilience. "I am, I can, I have." Does it blow your mind or what?!? Same stuff as Charlotte was talking about! This is one of the many reasons that a Charlotte Mason education fits so well for our family. I only wish I had discovered it and understood it's value years ago.

Here is an example of how Charlotte recommends teaching about the 'will':

Habit of Self-management.––Then, as was said before, let him know the secret of willing; let him know that, by an effort of will, he can turn his thoughts to the thing he wants to think of––his lessons, his prayers, his work, and away from the things he should not think of;––that, in fact, he can be such a brave strong little fellow, he can make himself think of what he likes; and let him try little experiments––that if he once get his thoughts right, the rest will take care of itself, he will be sure to do right then; that if he feels cross, naughty thoughts coming upon him, the plan is, to think hard about something else, something nice––his next birthday, what he means to do when he is a man. Not all this at once, of course;
(volume 1, page 328)

If your child has special needs, you could read this and think "That's nuts! How can I make my child think about something else when they're ready to have a meltdown?" I understand. Believe me. It's hard work.

In the world of RDI, you would first work on Guided Participation. Scaffolding is another tool--breaking down a project into parts that allow your child to feel that he/she can accomplish something gives them a basis upon which to feel a sense of self and of what they can accomplish.

You may use other tools as well. Teaching them to count to ten before they explode, that visual of a problem balloon floating away or going to a quiet place and returning when calm. Some parents even find doing sensory related activities to help with resilience in some situations. Recently I've been putting what I like to call 'motivational sentences' on the boys' white boards (they each have one). Sentences such as: I can...control my anger. I am...a good boy. I will...finish what I start. I will...learn to be obedient. My goal is to give them positive thoughts to combat the negative ones that naturally come to mind.



Obviously, I'm still a novice at this. I'm reading and learning right along with you. Maybe even more slowly. LOL The point, though, is to be resilient. Keep trying. Keep going. Keep learning. Keep practicing. It will get better and the challenge can be overcome. (Note to self.)

The above article on A Guide to Promoting Resilience, along with the links I've provided below, should give us all a good amount of things to consider and work on.

Parent Quiz (The proper answers are pretty obvious. However, I found it made me think and reexamine some of my faults as a parent. I'm very much in the "I told you so" camp. Not very helpful for resilience. Sigh.)
10 Tips for Building Resilience

Resilience for Children with Challenges
The Parent Coach (I like his analogy of the 'disappointment ditch'.)
Emotional Resilience (Some parts of this don't quite fit in with CM from my understanding of them. However, there is some good info and tips to glean.)
Teaching Resilience with Photography (a really neat program implemented to help autistic children)
Summarization of Research on Resilience I found this statement very much in line with what RDI does: "To this end, both authors emphasize the conceptualization of resilience as a dynamic developmental process, rather than as a static trait."

Late Readers

On one of the AO yahoo groups, there's been a recent discussion on early reading skills. I thought I would post here my response as it may help some of you with late readers.

I just want to share an experience on not stressing about the reading. I know there are some children out there who are quite eager to be reading at 3. However, for a lot of kids, this is a completely unreasonable expectation. Before finding CM, I had unreasonable expectations.


My oldest son has autism. He's what many would refer to as high functioning. I had been working with him on learning his letters since he was about 4. We worked on letter sounds. We spent a whole year just doing ma, me, mi, mo, mu type nonsense. (which it did help eventually, but anyway...) I finally, through doing some online research, discovered Better Late Than Early. I believe that book does discuss some researched negatives on early reading, but I'm not positive as it's been a few years since I've looked at it.


From that book I learned to relax. We even took a whole year off doing 'school' when my son was about 8-9. I was a little freaked out about doing that, but it helped in so many ways. We learned to relax with each other. I learned it wasn't the end of the world that he wasn't reading yet.


After the year off, we picked up on some simple reading again. Cvc words. We spent another year on cat, hat, mat, etc. Again before CM. I was muddling my way through.

My son learned to read when he was 10. He now reads beautifully. More than that, he understands what he reads. He reads for fun. I have to force him to leave books in the van when we go in stores. He chooses books that I would think are above his reading level, but he reads them anyway. He would really love it if he could read Treasure Island, but it looks too overwhelming to him right now (and rightly so for his developmental level). We were walking through goodwill the other week and he was reading aloud from a book he found there about Pearl Harbor. A lady stopped me and asked what grade he was and then stated that her granddaughter (2 years ahead of him) can't read that well. He also reads by changing voices with the characters. You should hear his Pharaoh voice! (we're reading Exodus right now)


My point in all this is to assure you that it will come. There's no medal that one gets for learning to read by a certain age. One should learn to enjoy reading, not because it's one more chore on the list of life achievements.


We still have a lot of things to work on. Spelling, writing, etc. but I've seen that time has nothing to do with it. Children will learn when they are ready and then they will learn it well. I've even seen this happen in other areas like learning to tie shoes or riding a bike.


That's the take of this mother of a special needs child. I wish I had known about CM all those years ago. I do know now and as we continue to work through the AO years, I will continue to enjoy the progress my son makes as he's ready.


And just fyi, we started Year 1 this past year at age 10.

Anger

Anger issues are pretty common with autistic kids. Due to their inner anxieties and not understanding social 'rules', they can become rigid, inflexible, controlling and angry. This is what they use as a buffer to keep the big, bad, scary world from invading their world.

Pooh tends to have problems with this in phases. I haven't ever been able to pin down any specific time/reason for it. Currently, his phases are a couple of normal days and then a couple of grouchy/angry days. (Right now, my mood is swinging right along with him unfortunately which can make for one irritated mommy.) We use homeopathy with him and this can help him in many ways but it doesn't take it completely away. Pooh has never been on meds and I hope to keep him off of them.

I wanted to share this site for anyone who may benefit from it. I have been looking it over and it seems to have some helpful tips. In the For Kids section, there are little slide shows with audio that show some different coping skills and it has the children actually act them out while watching. It's something you'd want to do with your child. I did it with Pooh yesterday and he seemed to enjoy and get it.

I want to work on him accepting responsibility for his anger. The Teacher section has several articles that I'm looking over to help me help him. When he's angry, it's 'all our fault'. He has issues with us 'bossing him around'. Although he knows he's the child, that obedience is required, etc. he still acts out when we have him do/not do something. It's unknown what will set him off. You can tell him 'no' about one thing without a complaint, yet tell him 'no' about something else and he flips out.

A current example is a candy example. We were at someone's house who leaves candy out for when the kids come over. All of a sudden Pooh asks me if he can have a certain candy. I looked at him and knew he already eaten at least one so I asked him. He had eaten two. I told him "no, you already had enough for today." That set him off. He was mad about it for about 2 hours. Now, he's learned not to hit me or anything. However, he'll come at me with hands raised, growl, cry, whine, stomp his feet, slam doors and just generally be rude, disrespectful and obnoxious. Once he's there, there's no reasoning with him (unless you give him what he wants). I just have to remain calm, reiterate the rules, make sure he doesn't hurt others or anything and keep it to a low roar instead of a dino roar. ;D

I've tried teasing him out of it, fake crying (not always convenient in a crowd), being very stern and I'm sure several other things I can't think of right now. It just doesn't help. It makes him more angry.

So with the help of the articles from this site, I'm going to try teaching him more responsibility in dealing with it. I'll be there to help, of course, but only he can use the tools to calm down. I've tried the counting to ten and deep breathing before but he doesn't want to hear about it in the middle of his tantrum. To thwart that, we're going to watch the slide shows a couple more times, practice when calm, use the positive wording recommended ("I'm a good boy even when I'm angry") and maybe that will help. They also teach them places to tap while they use the positive phrasing that seems to be targeting the acupuncture points. I'll try anything. LOL

Frankly, right now I'm tired of dealing with the demanding nature of his anger. It's a "if you don't do what I want, I'll make you sorry/miserable" kind of thing. It works. But I'm not giving in. I may need an escape now and then. I may need to cry. I may need to step back and reroute our course. But he's not going to win by bullying us into being scared of making him angry. I want to help him, but he has to do the work too.

I'm sure you see the whole host of emotions that runs through me in all of this. It's par for the course when you're the caregiver of a special needs child. I'm sure they'll be more to come. This is what's on my mind now. In any given day, I can go from being very proud of him and what he's been able to accomplish to be sick and tired of being around him.

King and I watched the old Bill Cosby Himself video last night. I think I might need to do that more often. ;D



Proud Day! His first bible reading in the congregation.

Our Life With Autism

I saw a mom on a yahoo list talking about her son with autism. He's five and she wonders if it's normal for the autistic kids to cry a lot more at five than other kids.

My son with autism is now 11 and he still gets that toddler tantrum cry. Noooooooooo! It hits your bones. It pierces the soul, just as the infant cry does. So to still be living with it (although it has decreased immensely over the years)can be tiring, depressing and many other emotions mixed in.

I do think RDI can help. Tammy has shown that with her daughter Pamela. I think I've seen it help in our home. However, truth be told, I don't "do" RDI anymore. Right now, we're just living our lives. This is my confession time I guess. I admire so much those families that are keeping up with it and I follow your emails and blogs with enthusiasm, cheering you on, cheering your successes and feeling your despair when things aren't working well. (That goes for all the families with special needs children that I know, not just those doing RDI.)

I was pretty much 'done' with therapies by the time I found RDI. I thought when I learned about it that I was ready to start again. Ready to embark on the next chapter with gusto. Ready to delve into what I could do as a parent to help my child.

I was wrong.

I got into it and it totally exhausted me. My life was once again taken over by the autism. Examining the goals (and believe me, trying to figure out what the heck they mean is just too mind boggling for me), then figuring out if your child has mastered it or not, coming up with ways to work on the goal, remembering to video it (and i still have an old computer and camera that means i have to mail vhs tapes!!!) editing the video, etc etc. I'm just done with all that for now.

As I said, we're just living our lives. Since I found Charlotte Mason and the AO information, school has been so much easier. Oh and finding Math U See too. Wow! What a difference. This also doesn't mean I have forgotten the principles of RDI. I do still think about how I phrase things. Making statements instead of constant questions. I'm sure if we were videoing I'd find a lot more I need to change in my communication style. I'm still on the RDI lists. I still read RDI blogs. I still think about RDI almost everyday. It has affected our lives, but right now I can't let it control my life. I found it very difficult trying to cut my very demanding younger child out of the picture while trying to concentrate on my older one. Very stressful for all of us. The King can't even fathom trying to read all the info he needs to read about RDI so we talk about it sometimes or at least talk about some of the principles of it, but it isn't there as pressure.

Everyone needs to do what's best for their kids and family. We're all trying to find the balance. It hurts me to see all that Pooh still has to learn. But I've seen so much progress over the years that I know it will get better each year. Yes, he's very unreasonable some days. Some days we just can't get through to him. Other days, we make these wonderful connections. And one thing I know about my son's autism is that he does remember things we tell him. It comes out in other areas that he's remembered little tidbits of those connections and he'll apply it in ways other than what we were referring to.

We can reach his heart and it's that that helps me get through each day.

So for those of you with the fight still in you, RDI can help. For others, just understanding the principles of RDI can help. I haven't 'given up', I'm just taking it slow and easy. I'm still learning to 'let go' of those parts of autism that I have no control over right now. It's not that they won't change, but that it's going to take longer. I'm done with examining everything I do to see if it's handled right or wrong. I want to just be. Be happy with each day and teach my sons to be happy each day.

Thank you for all the encouragement, thank you for your blogs, thank you for sharing your trials and triumphs. I hope that as I continue to share our lives through our blog, it will help others and give a realistic view of life with autism.

General Update

It seems as if the blogging world has slowed down a bit now that it's summer. Some are on vacation, some have poison ivy :D, and I figured all the others are just busy. It's the same with us. We've actually still been schooling between all the other things we're doing.

We're now working on week 3 of AO's Year 1 schedule. That schedule I made up before isn't getting followed because, as usual, it was overly ambitious. So right now, we're just trying to do our work but in a casual manner. I'm adjusting expectations that I had as regards some of our readings and narration. I've learned that Pooh needs me to stop every couple of paragraphs for a narration so that he can stay focused. If I try to do a whole chapter or too large of a section, his mind wanders to other things and then we both get frustrated that 'he's not listening'. I also see where sometimes the language used in the reading confuses him or just causes a general misunderstanding of the storyline. It takes us discussing it together to make sure he can follow along. For instance, from Our Island Story, we read A Laconic Answer. He was able to narrate the end of the story in regards to the one guy (can't remember his name LOL) wanting to make war with the Lacons (or Spartans) but didn't get all the part where it explains what the Lacons were known for and why the end had 'a laconic answer'. Which to me is the whole point of reading this story. So we had to discuss it. Basically, I have to narrate. I have found myself asking questions about the readings, which I'm trying to limit or eliminate. I even found myself interrupting to correct something. Horrors!!!! I stopped myself and said, "whoops I'm interrupting" and put my hand over my mouth. Pooh thought this was funny and smiled as he finished his narration.

I've started reading Tigger his own books and that's working out better for both boys. I found The Adventures of Chatterer the Red Squirrel by Thornton Burgess (used book store) so that's one of 'his' books. I also read him Winnie the Pooh, Mother Goose and I have a very simple Shakespeare for kids book that I may start with him as well.

I still have some ordering to do. I need HWT copybooks for both boys. I am planning on ordering Sequential Spelling for Pooh and the next Explode the Code book. He'll be starting in #3 so I'll go ahead and order #4 when I make their school order. I'm also going to order a simple workbook for capitilization and punctuation for Pooh. I know, I know, we're not supposed to be doing grammar yet. However, he and I together just need a guide for getting those two concepts. Capitilizing holidays, days of the week, etc. That type of thing I'd like him to practice without having to hunt down some copywork that includes it. I found a workbook at Rainbow Resource that I think will be simple and we can just take our time with it.

I found Beethoven Lives Upstairs cd from a used book store and we've been listening to his music. I also have another regular cd of his music. Both boys will periodically talk about Beethoven. We even heard a doorbell at Lowes today that played Beethoven's Fifth and Tigger knew it right away.

We've been to see Wall-E with some friends. Very cute and has an environmental message. I thought it was better than the last two Pixar films (Ratatouille and Cars) but not as good as Monsters Inc and Finding Nemo.

This week is a dental week. I went today for my cleaning and checkup. I have to have a minor thing taken care of soon. Pooh goes tomorrow for a stainless steel cap put on one of his molars. Ughh! I think we're both nervous. He receives medicaid so it will all be paid for but the whole process wiggs me out. We also go to the only dentist in town that lets parents go back with the kids. (I just hate that all these docs and therapists think of the parents as a nuisance and evict them from the rooms!)

Today we did some Nature Study with the sunflowers that came up from fallen bird seed in our yard. I brought 3 of them into the kitchen in different stages. One where the flower just opened, one with the seeds starting to form and one where it was old and most of the seeds were gone. We examined them, talked about pistals, and seed formation, discussed what happened to all the missing seeds from flower number 3 and then did sketches in our nature journals of the flower and seeds and a leaf rubbing. Then we put the flower petals and a few leaves in our flower press.

We've been to a couple of pools, ice skating and parks. I spent the 3 day weekend doing a lot of gardening that included weeding (loads of it), pruning, pest squishing and organic fertilizing. I pruned back a load of Carolina Jasmine that was taking over the driveway from the fence running alongside and discovered a nest. I think I discovered it a little too late and I don't believe the parents have returned to care for the two little eggs we discovered there. Sigh. I bought an owl today to hopefully help scare the birds away from my developing grapes. I have tons of green tomatoes out there, peppers and eggplants are coming and have gotten one zucchini and a cuke so far. I've already discovered a couple of my squash plants invaded by the squash vine borers, so I split the stalk open to get the borer out, squished it and then covered the damaged stalk with soil. I'm hoping that the plants will continue to survive that way. My basil is all of a sudden growing like gang busters but I'm afraid my melons may not be coming along fast enough to get a harvest before the cold weather. We shall see.

I've discovered a new blog that I've fallen in love with. At this point in my life, I can't live exactly this way, but it's a dream to do it. I've been gorging myself with reading from there. I think that I have learned in my adulthood to do some things that I never knew about in my youth. I wasn't taught gardening, crocheting, sewing, preserving etc. None of it. I wasn't even taught to cook anything. My whole adult life has been a learning process with all of it. So to me, I'm accomplishing major stuff by doing what I am doing. I picked up a bread machine for a $1 at a yard sale, so I can make fresh bread. I still haven't gotten the whole by hand thing down but I still try here and there. I make our own pizzas for boys' night Fridays. I'm gardening and from that, learning to freeze and can food. I haven't gotten to the point of pressure cooking but maybe one day. It's a little by little process. I make our own scarves by crocheting and have been slowly crocheting a black shawl type thing. Add to all this learning stuff, that the older I get the more ADD I think I am, and you have a very interesting life. :D

I haven't been doing any official RDI lately. However, I'm still mindful each day of how I can be declarative, non-verbal and illicit more gestures from Pooh. I just don't know if we'll ever be able to keep up with life and RDI the way that we should. Sometimes I get freaked out by all that is involved in being a mom, but I try to just take one day at a time and do what I have to do for that day.

I need to get some other things accomplished this week like sending out invites for the boys' party, contacting one of those book clubs that don't realize I keep returning their automatic shipments and getting a flyer ready for our Yard Sale Fundraiser that I'm in charge of for our homeschool coop. Eeeeeek!!! One day at a time, breathe, one day at a time....

Reflections on GPR, Resilience and Narration (Part 1)

Huh, what?! I know, I know, yet somehow they all go together. I'll get to it, I promise. Light bulbs have been going off for me with all of this stuff lately. My only problem will be in MY narrating it coherently. ;D My brain is a bit ADD and tends to jump around faster than I can catch all the thoughts. I'm going to go in order of what's listed in the subject and maybe I can keep it straight. All of what will be written here is as much for MY benefit as anyone reading this blog. I need to 'narrate' review what I'm learning to help me remember it all better. Thanks for 'listening'. ;D

1. In RDI, we learn A LOT about GPR (the Guided Participation Relationship formerly referred to as Master/Apprentice Relationship). So what is the GPR? I'm glad you asked? he he I like to take things down to the most simplistic form. So, to me, GPR is just thought of as 2-way communication. Sometimes that means it's verbal, and sometimes it comes thru facial expressions, gestures and sound effects. This is the normal way we all develop. As babies we come out programmed to pay attention to those around us, to feed off the information given us by their words, voice, face etc. It's how we learn about the world. As we get older, we continue to learn 'thru other people'. We read body language. For instance, you can probably tell when what you're saying is confusing somebody by looking at them. So you may slow down, start over etc.

This is important stuff because most autistic kids are not learning this way. They learn thru movies and books, maybe some rote tasks taught. They are not learning thru people. Not in a Guided Participation Relationship. Why does it matter?? Because, people are dynamic, ever changing. Books, movies, tasks are not, they are static or the same all the time. The GPR is foundational to our normal neurological development. Without it, strange stuff starts to happen. We, as the guides, lose touch with our child. We're not getting the feedback we need to understand where they are at, what they are thinking and where their 'edge of competency' is.

The edge of competency is simply referring to that point you know you can push somebody to before chaos erupts. With babies we keep encouraging them to take one or two more steps by gauging how they did on their last walking experience and lengthening it a bit each time. When adults are talking and one is giving directions, he's watching for the edge of competency of who he's explaining to. When the glazed look comes into their eye, you know to back up and give support (or scaffold) at the point they got lost. All of this can also be referred to as the 'zone of proximal development'--working within someone's edge of competency.

Example: Dancing. Think about how much non-verbal communication goes into 2 people learning to dance a routine. How close, far apart to place the body, foot, hands etc. Timing involved in staying with the music, your partner and the steps of the dance. GPR is all the stuff it takes for these two people to produce a finished product. If your partner is autistic, what generally happens (at least with my Pooh) is yelling (this is too hard!!), stomping (my poor foot!) and leaving (avoidance of a challenge).

Which leads us to Resilience....

(This post is getting entirely too long so I'm going to write this as a little series. Stay tuned for part 2.)

A New Trend in Scripting

Pooh's scripting has taken a turn. I noticed a big change about a month ago when I noticed he was scripting out bits and pieces of two/three different movies to make a new story. I could recognize most of the parts and could see how he was blending them. Although, when i was trying to ask him about it, he got upset. So I didn't get to pursue or explore what was behind the changes.

Also, he'll substitute the names of the characters in the movies for the names of his friends. So for a Winnie the Pooh movie suddenly Piglet is being called Dylan, Tigger is Jonathon etc. He's done this with the PBS show Fetch with Ruff Ruffman by making up his own game show with questions he wants to ask and giving us points.

So, while part of me still dislikes the whole scripting thing in general, the other part of me is pretty impressed. This is a creative turn, to make his own stories from parts of others. (Plagiarizing big time I know. LOL) It shows how his mind is at least flexible enough that the story doesn't have to be the same every time.

For those who may think I'm being overly positive about this, I do believe that it's still a way for him to control his world. That instead of joining our world, he's bringing us into his. I don't plan on particularly doing anything about it. I may make my own suggestions for plot changes here and there and see how well they're taken. My main belief though, is that thru continued efforts in RDI his need for scripting will lessen. The more comfortable he feels in having a relationship with the people around him and becoming interested in the things they are interesting in, the less need he'll feel to stick with the tried and true avenue of movie and book scripting.